Your Mental Wealth

I was recently part of a conference and had the opportunity to sit in on a presentation by Rabbi Steven Leder. The title of his talk was “Being a Good Ancestor.” One of the things he asked us to consider (and he noted, it has been a tradition in Jewish culture for many years) is writing something he called an ethical will for the generations to whom we will be seen as ancestors.

We who have traditional wills know it is important to have a plan to pass on what we have in terms of things. How much more of value do we hold in our souls? The following is my ethical will:

“Dear Margie, Brad, Brenda, Morgan, Leah and all my now-and-future relations:

• More than anyone I have ever met, or anything I have been privileged to do, places I have been blessed to see, or things I have been fortunate enough to accomplish, I consider the best and most important thing I have ever experienced is your presence in my life and the stunning quality of our relationships.
• I would ask you, in times of trouble with another, to make sure you have asked them for what you need. If you have done that, and realize that they are not able or willing, let them go. They are doing what they can, pedaling as fast as they can.
• When in conflict with a loved one, first look at something that you could have done differently, then go to them and say that, rather than point out what they should have done differently.
• When you know you have failed another, apologize, simply without excuses or rationalization.
• Forgive others by letting go of your expectations of how others should treat you.
• Please trust your deep knowing, that little voice inside of you that says, “Don’t do that,” or “This is the right thing to do.”
• Follow your passions, even if it doesn’t make sense at the time and eventually you will understand.
• Find a spiritual home. Visit it often. (I hope it is as magical as Boulder Hill and Bear Butte in the Black Hills of South Dakota).
• Be open to the wisdom of other cultures, especially the ancient ones.
• Work to have your home and primary relationship be the safest place on earth, the place you feel you most belong, where you are honored more than anywhere else.
• Take care of your body.
• Strive to live each moment in wonder, as if it was your first and last.
• Know and honor your pain, so that you can see and honor it in others. The same with joy and love.”

Now, your turn. Write yours. Don’t over-engineer it. Take no more than twenty minutes total.

Send it. Make it a part of your other important documents. Take it out every year or so and see if it still fits.