Your Mental Wealth

“You know, you live a pretty exotic life,” my wife, Margie said to me recently. I was sort of taken aback, because I wasn’t sensing living an “exotic” life.

“What are you talking about?” I asked.

She said, “Think about it. Right now you are in Chicago. Just think about what you are doing there, who you are doing it with, who you are meeting. This has been going on for a long time,” she added. “I think most people would believe all of that makes for a pretty exotic life.”

After getting off the phone, I began thinking about where have I been, who have I been with and what opportunities have I experienced in the last few years.

I have been on Hollywood studio movie sets. I have been introduced to and by famous, important powerful figures. I have ridden with musicians on their tour bus, I have worked with iconic actors and performers, I have worked with the up and coming ones, I have appeared on network TV and radio shows. I have traveled extensively, to many exotic places. I have written books, I’ve been in meetings with household names, with professional athletes, behind the scenes, on the sidelines, in executive offices with billionaires. I am doing exactly what I want to do, mostly (I don’t WANT to go to the dentist, or didn’t WANT to have my colonoscopy).

When I think about it, I could have never imagined any of this “exotic” life being a normal part of my life 5-10 years ago, certainly not 20, 30, or 40. It has never been a goal, a vision, a wish, or an aspiration of mine. I am not sure what that means in terms of the folks who say unless you can vision it, you will never experience it. My guess is, they would have SOMETHING to say about it.

Thinking about what all this means came into focus recently because there was a particular unusually high profile event in which a fair number of people saw me and were impressed by the fact that I was there and played a role in the event. I was asked a number of times questions like, “How was it?” “How did you feel?” “Wasn’t it exciting?” I wondered if I had missed something because it didn’t feel like a big deal.

I found myself saying things like, “It was really interesting.” “I was intrigued.” “It sure is a different world.”

Their, “Are-you-kidding-me-that’s-it?” and “That’s-all –have-to-say-about- something-other-people-would-die-to-do?” reactions made me wonder if I had missed something.

Dave, a friend of mine sort of summed up all I had been experiencing from others by posing the question, “Why are you acting like this isn’t a big deal for you?” “Why are you acting like this is just another day in the life?” I said, “It just doesn’t feel like that big of deal.”

Truth is, I didn’t know how to answer his question. Was it because I didn’t feel worthy? Not really. When I am in those places experiencing those things I have a sense of purpose and belonging. Was it because I worried about what other people might think about me if I acted like I enjoyed it too much? Not really. The people who like me would find it fun, the people who don’t like me would have one more reason to not like me, and the other 99.9% of the people could care less. I have wondered what my mom and dad would think. I doubt that it would have changed their opinion about who I am very much. Was if self-effacement? Was it low self-worth? Was it that I felt undeserving? Was it embarrassment? I went through the entire list. None of those reasons really quite clicked.

Several hours later, I was talking to a group of friends and once again the “wasn’t that cool” topic came up. They asked the same questions, and this time an answer suddenly arrived that did “click.” Spaghetti. That’s the answer, spaghetti.

See, after each of these “exotic” events I have experienced, I get to come home. My safest place on earth. Home to be with my best friend in the whole wide world. My bride of 30 years, Margie, who, without fail, is there for me. I know, that no matter what, she would never intentionally hurt me. I know that if I ask her to just hold me she will drop everything and do that. Same if I ask her to listen. And I know that if I get a little off base in my thinking and behavior she will let me know. This space we have created is the place where I feel more unconditional love and acceptance than anywhere else in the world I have ever been. I feel a greater sense of belonging there than anywhere else.

I know that at the end of the day, I am not living a lie. I am who I am; I am not keeping any secrets about how I am living my life. As much as I possibly can (I am still working on this) I am fully present for my life.

ON TOP OF THAT, from time to time I get to visit with my son and daughter-in-law, I get to visit with my daughter, my son-in-law and my two (I’m just a tad possessive about them ) grand angels. I have the good fortune to have about as good a relationship with all of them as I can imagine anyone having. I have really, really, really, good friends. Friends who tell the truth. Who are real. Who care. Who know me and love me anyway.

THAT’s what I am aware of in answering why I appear to be so unaffected by these exotic opportunities and experiences. Though they are great, one-of-a-kind experiences, and the people are wonderful, home is better.

We make homemade spaghetti. When we go out, though the spaghetti is good, homemade is always better.