From Ted
I have a bleeding disorder known as hemophilia. From time to time that causes me to have spontaneous episodes of internal bleeding (as well as those caused by traumatic experiences such as falls and the like). My sophomore year in college I fell on my hip during basketball practice, which caused a “bleed”. In those days treatment for the bleeding disorder consisted primarily of asking the client to be quiet and remain as immobile as possible until the bleeding stopped on its own. This could take weeks, depending on the bleed site. Emotionally I always felt significant shame when these bleeds would happen. Thoughts like “I’m not like everyone else”. “There won’t be a place for me if I go missing from the typical routine of campus life”, “No one will even notice I am missing”. And the biggest one, “Somehow I must have done something wrong to cause this to happen”.
Because of this particular bleed I missed weeks of classes. For the better part of four weeks, I spent every day lying as quietly as I could in my dorm room. Hoping and praying things would get better.
One evening, about two weeks into my healing, there was a knock on the door of my dorm room. My roommate went to the door and it was one of my professors, a Mr. Stouffer. My first thought was that he was checking up on me to see if I was indeed unable to attend his classes or just skipping them. It soon became very clear to me that he genuinely was concerned about my well-being, and that the only reason he came was to see if there was anything he could do to help. Even in the small college I went to, this was unheard of. I was deeply touched.
A few years ago, I was introduced to the idea of human “Angels”. Angels were identified to me as those people who appear in our lives at just the right time, offering just the right message, and then, like heralding angels, go off into the universe to do the same for others. I think sometimes there are dark angels (who come into our lives at just the right moments to teach us how NOT to behave) as well as bright angels (who come into our lives to demonstrate how to behave.).
I have a hunch that my resiliency and good fortune in life has a lot to do with the “Angels” that came into my lives. From time to time, I have had the chance to go back and thank some of those angels for heeding the call to show up and I would invite you to consider doing the same.
So, “Mr. Stouffer, wherever you are, thank you”.
I recently had a similar convesation with my wife. I had noticed that at nearly every point of my life someone had appeared that I needed. From the time I was adopted at 4 days old by parents. Meeting a friend in little league that may be a brother. As an inquisitive youth I happened across a baseball coach that taught me how to ask more questions than give answers. At some point in my life I realized that my success was largly due to these Angels. Because of my coach I was smart enough to listen and follow. When my son was diagnosed with autism we literally stumbled on a girl that we couldn’t have imagine existed. She lifted our fears and burdon with our son and held us when our daughter died. Soon after this she moved away. It was then that I told my wife of my observation. Sara’s mission in our life was done but someone else is about to enter. Entering was yet another teacher and my autistic, beautiful son has the highest math grade in the school. I desperately miss all these people but I look foreward to the next person we can’t live without.
Powerful story Phil. Thanks for sharing it.
Ted