Your Mental Wealth

A number of years ago, I was sitting in the home of Jim, one of my friends, who was a much heralded award-winning photographer. He was a gruff, iconic character, with an Ernest Hemingway look; a cigar and shot of whiskey always within arm’s length.

He asked if I would be interested in taking a look at his latest project. One of the things he cared a lot about was those whom fate had not treated very well. He had taken a series of photographs of special needs children with their mothers. As he went through the slide show that represented the edited versions of the photos he had taken, I was moved to tears, actually finding myself stifling a sob or two, (which I quite unsuccessfully, I imagine, tried to cover up with pretending to clear my throat). As one picture would slowly dissolve to be replaced by the next, not a word was spoken. He didn’t say a word about them. He didn’t need to. The pictures told the story in a way that words could never have done, and if there had been a narrative, I had the sense it would have actually detracted from the experience. After the last picture, we just sat there together for a long time in silence.

I fancied myself, at that time, as a pretty good hobby photographer myself. I blurted out, “Jim, I want to learn how to do that…to learn to tell a story so profoundly without words. Will you teach me?”

He said, “Sure, I can, and would be willing to teach you. All it would take is for you to give me just two years of your life.”

Something important shifted in my life at that moment. I realized that I was being offered the opportunity to do something, to learn something that I sincerely wanted. It was within my reach. Then, I realized that I wasn’t willing to pay that price. I realized that there was a real difference between something I would LIKE to do and something I was WILLING to do. I recognized that a lot of my wishing and wanting for things in my life (and not having them, feeling vaguely dissatisfied and victim-like) had more to do with what I was willing to do to make it happen than whether “fate” would provide the opportunity for me to do it.

What I walked away with that day, and still carry some 30 years later was a very different perspective of life. Actually, it was a sense of confidence I had never had before…confidence that I could have a lot of what I found myself wishing and wanting if I was willing to pay the price by being willing to do whatever it took to make my wishes and wants come true.

I had been raised in an environment that had this unwritten rule that said, “People like us could never…,” so it was best not to wish for, best not to want, and best not to dream too big. My friend Jim’s comments changed all that in seven words “Give me two years of your life.”

Now, when I wish, or want, or dream of something, I ask myself, “Are you willing to do what it takes to make that happen?” 99% of the time I say, “No, not really,” and walk away smiling, feeling empowered, feeling good about my choice.

The other 1% of the time, I say, “Yes, absolutely, let me find out what I need to know to make it happen.” I walk into the decision smiling, feeling empowered, and good about my choice.

The message is, am I willing to do whatever it takes to make the things happen in my life that I want come to pass? If so, let’s get going, and if not, let me realize and accept that I don’t really want to, that’s ok, and it is my choice, not something that someone, something, or some circumstance prevents me from being able to do.

It’s the difference between my experiencing life as a victim or a choice maker.