One of the important things to me growing up was my connection to major league baseball. I have fond memories of many an evening listening on the radio (yes, sometimes even my own crystal radio) to my team, the Cincinnati Reds. A couple of times my father was able to score last minute tickets to a game and we would all take a trip to Crosley Field to take in the game in person. They even had a big time star; a big first base man by the name of Ted, Ted K. As in Ted Kluszewski. A left-handed first baseman – just like me. He was well-known for cutting off the sleeves to his uniform to better unleash the power in his huge ham-hock like arms, something I didn’t dare even think about doing (although I secretly did, think about it anyway).
At that time it always seemed as if the New York Yankees were in the World Series each fall. In those days, nearly all of the games were played in the afternoon. If we were ‘good’, the principal of our elementary school would let us listen to the broadcast of the afternoon games over the school’s PA system.
That’s when I first learned of Yogi Berra. He became somewhat of a secret idol to me (not wanting to appear to be disloyal to my Reds). I liked to hear about the things he said and did. After his playing career, he became a coach and eventually the manager of the Yankees. I became a high-school baseball coach. I always followed his exploits which became more legendary the longer he was in the public eye. Yogi had a way with words that was, well, memorable. One of his more famous quotes was “When you come to a fork in the road, take it”. He knew what he meant; it was up to the rest of the world to figure it out.
One day while attending one of the National Collegiate Baseball Coaches Association yearly conferences, I got to meet and listen to Yogi talk to a group of 200 fellow high-school and collegiate baseball coaches. During a question and answer session, Yogi was asked “When all your players make more money than you do how you get them to listen to you?” I’ll always remember his answer.
“If they are playing well, I don’t say anything, there is no need to.” he said. “If they aren’t doing so well, I will walk by them and say ‘I know what you’re doing wrong and can tell you what to do to fix it’, and then I just keep on walking. Some of them will get so mad at me that they will begin looking for what is wrong and fix it themselves I leave them alone. The second group will never fix it and eventually, they don’t play. The rest of them will come up to me, sooner or later, and ask me what I am seeing. Now I have me what I call a motivated learner. I will tell them, tell them how to fix it and then they become one of the first group”.
I have never forgotten the ‘motivated learner’ lesson. My experience is that if I hang around my clients who are in pain long enough and let them know that I have some ideas for them to try if theirs don’t work out, many of them become ‘motivated learners’.
Experience had taught old Yogi (and now research supports the very same wisdom) that giving advice before people are ready to receive it actually hinders their progress, increases defensiveness, and makes change less likely to occur.
It isn’t that advice giving is wrong. There is always a place and time for providing it. It is just that we often try to give advice long before people are ready and able to receive it.
Timing is everything. When to give advice is no exception.
